The Nuture of Nature

I dream every day of,
Where or who you might be.
Are you the dark haired lady,
Who looks my way across the street?

Why is it that I look for you?
In the middle of a crowd,
Hoping that you might notice me,
And see yourself through my eyes.

It isn't that I've had a difficult life.
Or that my "other" has failed me.
She given me experiences,
My memories and most of all, her unconditional love.

But still my thoughts turn to you.
Where are you, what are you doing?
Do you feel a sense of fulfillment in your life?
Or is something a miss such as mine?

I know I have the shape of your eyes,
But the color of someone else's.
My hands are the direct replica of yours.
As well as my bodily shape.

Recently, I have learned to use my woman's intuition,
Is it such that puts the knot in my stomach?
Or is it just my curiosity?
Could this be the one thing you've left for me?

Either way, as I embark on the biggest Journey of my life,
I wish to be able to show you,
How I have lived these last 20 years,
Because I certainly need her, you and him in the next.

With all of my love,
Kali

The Other Day

Now, I stand before you to tell you something
I know nothing about

I know nothing of you
I know nothing of your love for him

I know nothing of this woman,
This woman raised by Steve & Kim

I know nothing of your first words
I know nothing of your first colors

I know nothing of your school bus rides
I know nothing of your Others

I know nothing of sweet kisses
Given to calm your fears
I know nothing of gentle hugs either
I know nothing about all those years

But Now, I know nothing of that Other Day
Just new memories in the present of today

I let you go now, as I did back then
To the capable arms of a strong, gentle man

I release you again my angel; my darling baby girl
to spread your wings in this marriage
And to the rest of this world

by Colleen L. Pridemore © 2005

The Other Mother

Once there were two women
who never knew each other.

One you do not remember,
the other you call Mother

Two different lives shaped to
make yours one

One became your guiding star
the other became your sun

The first gave you life
the second taught you to
live in it

The first gave you a need for love,
the second was there to give it

One gave you a nationality,
the other gave you a name

One gave you the seed of talent,
the other gave you an aim

One gave you emotions,
the other calmed your fears

One saw your first sweet smile
the other dried your tears

One gave you up - it was all that
she could do

The other prayed for a child
and God led her straight to you

Now you ask me through your tears;
heredity or environment - which are you
the product of?

Neither My Darling,
just two different kinds
of Love

© 1985 Colleen L. (nee Pridemore) Bohlin
printed anonymously in the book, "Chicken Soup for the Adopted Soul"

Kristy Lee Bohlin

May 7, 1985

Kristy,

As I now write this letter, I think of the day you will read i
t. What a big day in your life that would be.

First of all, I want you to know that I love you very much and I wanted you to have a better life than what I could give you.

Those 9 months of joy that you gave me were like heaven. I created you, so I felt I was perfect for you, a "perfect dream". But I had to get out of the dream and think of
your (and my) future. I know what I've done for you is the best, but I long already for you, and in years to come I know I will grieve even more.

If you ever need anything, or would want to talk to me, here is a list of people w
ho would be able to locate me.

I love you Kristy,

Mom

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day. What dreary weather. It's 50 degrees and raining. But wait -- I see the rain has ceased for this moment. The birds are singing songs of gratuity -- wanting others who were separated in the storm. They chatter to each other, calling for reconnection.

So much like me today. Wanting inspiration, wanting to follow my instincts of natural law. So much like the birds. It seems the craving and wanting won't get me there. I must DO.


I do in the dew

what others cannot see

That place of windless Aire

existing in every tree


This is not physical

but a relation of mind

to live in the system

with no worry of time


bound in the will

choices i have made

give me the option

to lie in the shade


pick a leaf or a shave of the bark

I see the same story;

That trees can hold

Larks.


Stream of Consciousness Writing

I crave inspiration! I crave better health! I crave food! I crave my sanity! I crave understanding! I crave distraction! I crave intention! I crave purpose! I crave, I crave, I crave.

I want a haircut & perm. I crave a physical change.

Yes, self-programming is the key. And I KNOW this! So why won't I pick up that damn key and use it?

The brightest of intention is not enough my sweet child. You must temper yourself into the longing of your desire. Fearing, wanting, craving are all symptoms of no connection. You must reinstall the connection usingthe meditative practices you know so well. These times demand this of you. You are not a being of shallow enlightenment. The budda has shown for you a way out of sufering. It is your choice. This human life is only about choices. That is your free will. Learning how to free your will in the begi8nning was easy. It was exciting to REMEMBER all of your programming of the Universe. But now, you must really LEARN these things. You are learning you are making the choice to allow yourself into the void or not. If you choose this human 3d pane, that is where you will stay. But you know your existence is ABOVE and BELOW as well. You must exist in two places - hence the name BIPOLAR. Two existences at onece. You can do this! This is WHO YOU ARE! You are NOT thins person with no direction or reasoning of mind. Elemental subjects mush be investegated. Sto pfightsing, start eaccepting yourself. Just how you are at this moment is reality. ACCCEPT IT~ Feel those hard feelings, cry those dry dry tears that you long to let go. Allow yourself to once again FEEL the emotions of this world so you can let them go back into the universe where they belwo. THey don't belong inside of you! Yoour eaerthly body cannot hold them. let go.

Grammar and spelling mistakes in this post have been intentionally unedited. When I write this way I close my eyes and type in a relaxed state. However, the above is an example of a "not-so-relaxed" state.

Kali

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